Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Repeting dreams

At one point of my life (teenager 14-15) I saw this dream over and over again. At that time the best parts of summer and xmas I (and my sis) spent at our grandparents farm which they had given to our aunt. The farm is the place where I lived as a small child and after that spent every single summer and xmas (-1).

In my dream it was summer. Once again time to go there and spent time with relatives. I was happy when the farm area started after the woods. It is the same feeling when you see something that you have missed and have not seen for a long time. The house is the same outside and inside. Outside the sun is shining and the colors are vivid. Inside it is a bit darker in the main house, but in the wing (where grandparents live) is sunny (there are windows in a row in the hall.

Few first times I spent time with grandparents, and they seem a bit dull/bored/colorless. Then I go talk to my aunt and the atmosphere changes. It is getting darker and darker. Still the sun is shining outside. The rooms do not seem to be clean and something scares me and I wake up. After few repeats I am not waken even though I am scared. I am talking to my aunt who seems normal at first but then seems to be covered with something black. She talks to me about not to be scared, but I feel how the black substance is trying to cover me too, which scares me even more.

Then she starts yelling and tries to hold me and cut my throat (to let the black substance in). I struggle and wake up.

When I then see this dream again I already know to fear something when I get in the house. I start to notice that everything inside is actually covered with the black substance and that my grandparents are too. Still I talk to them, and see that the dullness is caused by the black thing. I go and talk with my aunt and again she tries to make me join her. I feel how the black substance is taking over and I fight and try to get out.

The feeling that I have is that she is winning, but I will myself out. I think of being outside and am able to get out. I don't know how, but I feel the sun and am able to see everything around me. Now the house looks black/colorless (it is white and the wing is brown). I don't recognize the yard. I feel really sad when I wake up.

I have had these dreams  few times since I was 15 (mostly when I was 14-15) . Haven't had them since I moved out from the farm, under the control of my aunt (moved in 17, moved our 18). I lived there for a year and it was enough. I believe that I already had started to notice the change in my aunt when I was teenager. When I moved there I wasn't a child anymore, so it was a good idea to try to convince me to be on her side (and not my mother's side). There were rumors that she had adopted me (no doubt she started them) and she wanted me not to go to school. At that point I as glad I had lived with my mom as the play she played was way too obvious to me. It hurt to see what she was doing, and it hurt even more when she realized that I wouldn't take her side.

About the black stuff... I remember talking with my sis, and she said at the time that I must have watched a horror movie or something. I do think that it is a valid point. My sub conscious made my aunt the bad guy and took something scary that I had saw to make its point.

Let me just say that it was not fun being in a car with her, while she was yelling, being furious with me and driving.

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