To forgive and forget

How easy is it to forgive and forget? Small things go by quite fast. We might not even remember that we felt bad about something as we forgave and forgot it right away. How about the big ones? I know that the bigger the issue the longer it takes. Also do we have to forgive? Can't we just forget?

What I do is that I think of the past and think what I would have done in that situation (me being the parent). I try to see the reason behind the actions and would I have done the same. I think, would I be able to stand tall and say I forgive you. Some things I see as kind of parenting and in others I see the desperation. I understand the feelings and I see why some actions are made. Still I can't forgive and forget.The small stuff I have forgotten already. Well not totally and I tell people about them as part of normal childhood.

I haven't been hurt by others that much as I haven't let them. I haven't let them by expecting the worst to happen. So when the worst happens I am already over it. So to forgive and forget about something that a stranger or a friend would have done... I am not sure how would I act. Small things of course happen from time to time. And just noticed that I am not counting certain place and people at all. So strike that yes I have been hurt by others, but I have already forgotten about it. Still if you want to see me ski (downhill or cross country) I would rather do that in other country than up north (of this country)

It is so humane to not forgive and forget. I have seen it happen in one of my aunts. Her mortal enemy is still my mother even though she has not lived in the same place for closer to 20 years. Still my aunt blames my mother of killing her dog (about 30 years ago) as she accidentally drove over the dog. This is the same aunt that tried to adopt me when I was a kid and spread the rumor that I was actually adopted when I moved to live in the farm she owned for a year. When I didn't find it funny (nor did want to take over the farm) the wind changed. I became the enemy. I was needy and didn't think of anyone else but me. No, I have not yet forgiven her totally, but I've forgotten it quite well.

I also have one aunt that blamed me of separating my family. (With my family I mean mom, step dad and us kids.) All I wanted to do was to live with my dad. Then my mother tells me that my aunt (my sisters god parent) thinks that I am a bad child that I am wrecking the family. That I should stay with my mother. All I could think that moment was, well of course you stand by your sister I respect that, but who the hell are you to tell 12 yrd old that she is a bad child! Also she did not know my side of the story. Only what my mother had told her. Yeah, I still sometimes think that she is hypocrite. I think I have forgiven and forgotten about it quite a long time ago. Mostly because I am not 100% sure that it was actually my aunt that had said those things. I know my mother, and it could have been her that said it but just gave the blame to my aunt.

So to forgive and forget... it is a process that takes time. Oh boy, do I hate waiting! I want to be able to forgive and forget right away. I just want to enjoy life! Why waste time on something like moping and going through stuff over and over and over and over and over again... To be able to just to move on would be so nice. Nice but not humane. I believe that for us as humans to grow we need to go through the emotions and all ups and downs. All that takes time. So we need to be patient. Which I don't have...